Reading a book on Resilience by Linda Graham, and that got me thinking about support networks. Graham's book is about keeping the mental flexibility to be present to be up to the challenges. It's great to get stronger. But that got me wondering how to get help from outside yourself. Definitely getting personally strong will be helpful.
How to build a support network: I think often doing what you want to get, is a way of creating the world you want. You want love, be loving. You want friends, be friendly. You want support, be supportive.
0. Stoke old friendships to improve them. Call that friend you haven't talk to in a while. Friendships take time. You want to be invited to parties, well, you throw a party and invite people.
1. Re-engage, create or join a spiritual community. This is where people are striving to be altruistic and at their best. Doesn't mean people can't be bad, so don't let your guard down, but it is explicitly where people go to move towards kindness.
2. Connect with similar people on a social network like MeetUp, book clubs, conventions, AA. Someone offers you a support group for something you're going through--take them up on it. Social service agencies are dying for people to join groups. I read about a club house in Australia when I was reading about the author Gerald Murnane. He attended a Men's Shed: "A men’s shed is a communal workshop where members do things like repair shelves or bicycles, part of a national public-health initiative aimed at curbing depression among retired men."
3. Take advantage of all the friendly people in your life to develop a deeper relationship. Reflect on what makes you dismissive. Reflect on what makes you not attractive to be around. Like everything, if you pay attention to something that is important, then you will go through a learning process and growth. Set an intention to be more friendly and develop and deepen friendships.
4. Be a good family member. Check in with family. Extend the energy and time to visit.
5. Accept the limits of a social network, and don't expect too much. They really just provide emotional support for what you're going through. Putting too much expectations is one way to push people away. Think more in terms of giving than getting.
6. If you struggle with substance abuse try AA. If you grew up with an alcoholic or addicted parent, try Al-Anon. You might imagine AA is full of losers who are addicted, but it is filled with the winners who overcame addiction.
7. Try working with a therapist, specifically about interpersonal issues. Seeking outside help goes against our self reliance, but when things are going wrong, we need to change how we're going things. Opening up to feedback is a key step, and going into therapy is useful.
8. Understand the forces against deeper connection. I haven't read it, but Bowling Alone is about how lonely America has become. Work to overcome these obstacles. Supposedly it's pretty common for people in middle age to lose the ability to take on new friends.
9. Isolation are friends of substance abuse, depression, anxiety. Fight against the inertia that draws you into these sinkholes. Understand the forces that lead you towards isolation. Fight fight fight! Develop the motivation to fight isolation. Develop the energy for connection. Conscious intention is a power thing to do.
10. Write a blog about developing a social support network. You become that which you are trying to learn. Trying to teach something, you have to learn it for yourself. I googled developing a social support network and I did not come up with anything I liked.
How to build a support network: I think often doing what you want to get, is a way of creating the world you want. You want love, be loving. You want friends, be friendly. You want support, be supportive.
0. Stoke old friendships to improve them. Call that friend you haven't talk to in a while. Friendships take time. You want to be invited to parties, well, you throw a party and invite people.
1. Re-engage, create or join a spiritual community. This is where people are striving to be altruistic and at their best. Doesn't mean people can't be bad, so don't let your guard down, but it is explicitly where people go to move towards kindness.
2. Connect with similar people on a social network like MeetUp, book clubs, conventions, AA. Someone offers you a support group for something you're going through--take them up on it. Social service agencies are dying for people to join groups. I read about a club house in Australia when I was reading about the author Gerald Murnane. He attended a Men's Shed: "A men’s shed is a communal workshop where members do things like repair shelves or bicycles, part of a national public-health initiative aimed at curbing depression among retired men."
3. Take advantage of all the friendly people in your life to develop a deeper relationship. Reflect on what makes you dismissive. Reflect on what makes you not attractive to be around. Like everything, if you pay attention to something that is important, then you will go through a learning process and growth. Set an intention to be more friendly and develop and deepen friendships.
4. Be a good family member. Check in with family. Extend the energy and time to visit.
5. Accept the limits of a social network, and don't expect too much. They really just provide emotional support for what you're going through. Putting too much expectations is one way to push people away. Think more in terms of giving than getting.
6. If you struggle with substance abuse try AA. If you grew up with an alcoholic or addicted parent, try Al-Anon. You might imagine AA is full of losers who are addicted, but it is filled with the winners who overcame addiction.
7. Try working with a therapist, specifically about interpersonal issues. Seeking outside help goes against our self reliance, but when things are going wrong, we need to change how we're going things. Opening up to feedback is a key step, and going into therapy is useful.
8. Understand the forces against deeper connection. I haven't read it, but Bowling Alone is about how lonely America has become. Work to overcome these obstacles. Supposedly it's pretty common for people in middle age to lose the ability to take on new friends.
9. Isolation are friends of substance abuse, depression, anxiety. Fight against the inertia that draws you into these sinkholes. Understand the forces that lead you towards isolation. Fight fight fight! Develop the motivation to fight isolation. Develop the energy for connection. Conscious intention is a power thing to do.
10. Write a blog about developing a social support network. You become that which you are trying to learn. Trying to teach something, you have to learn it for yourself. I googled developing a social support network and I did not come up with anything I liked.
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