Narcissism

Understanding the narcissism epidemic is important because its long-term consequences are destructive to society. American culture's focus on self-admiration has caused a flight from reality to the land of grandiose fantasy. We have phony rich people (with interest-only mortgages and piles of debt), phony beauty (with plastic surgery and cosmetic procedures), phony athletes (with performance-enhancing drugs), phony celebrities (via reality TV and YouTube), phony genius students (with grade inflation), a phony national economy (with $ll trillion of government debt), phony feelings of being special among children (with parenting and education focused on self-esteem), and phony friends (with the social networking explosion). All this fantasy might feel good, but unfortunately, reality always wins. The mortgage meltdown and the resulting financial crisis are just one demonstration of how inflated desires eventually crash to earth.

Jean Twenge and Keith Campbell, The Narcissism Epidemic 

 

Helpful links, quotes and graphics

How to boost 4 happy chemicals

Novel quote

“When I was young, I resisted thinking about my childhood, or my character, for that matter. Perhaps that's not surprising. My therapist once told me that all traumatized children, and the adults they become, tend to focus exclusively on the outside world. A kind of hypervigilance, I suppose. We look outward, not inward-scanning the world for danger signs—is it safe or not? We grow up so terrified of incurring anger, for instance, or contempt, that now, as adults, if we glimpse a stifled yawn while talking to someone, a look of boredom or irritation in their eyes, we feel a horrible, frightening disintegration inside-like a frayed fabric being ripped apart—and swiftly redouble our efforts to entertain and please.“



P. 60 The Fury by Alex Michaelides. There is more, that is interesting, but that is enough of a quote.

Self compassion

 

Kristin Neff (sorry I covered 3 letters) says self esteem obsession can have some downsides, which compassion sidestep. I haven’t read a self help book in a while. This came out in 2011. Friend mentioned it, so I’m trying it. Resonates with me so far.

"We can't be moved by our own pain if we don't even acknowledge that it exists in the first place."

She feels self compassion isn't self pity or self indulgent. It's about activating and not passivity.

You can test your self compassion.

Here are my average results:

Mattering

I think a lot of psychological research is proving the obvious but here's another one from the New York Times: Want to Believe in Yourself? ‘Mattering’ Is Key.

And if you need a gift copy to read, you matter, blog reader, I'll send you one. Post your email address in the comments, and I'll send it and delete your comment so nobody knows your email address.

Acting in your own best interest

My daughter doesn't like to be told what to do, and there are internal forces that amplify that idea in her head. An independent streak is good, and American. But listening to good suggestions even though your psychology tells you not to, can be overridden by the idea of acting in your own best interest.

I'm like that too, the idea has to make sense to me before I will do it, but sometimes I don't consider ideas because I didn't think of it. It's a flaw I'm trying to push past. Pushing past flaws that I own is an important growth mode. Owning the change in the fight for maturity before senility. 

Sometimes we don't like the choice so we make the wrong choice based on psychological reactivity. 

Sometimes the environment pushes us to make the wrong choice.

Act in your own best interest is a good mantra, a good coping statement, a good way of being that attempts to filter out distracting information. In the age of information filtering out irrelevant data is essential.